Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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