If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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