It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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