took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
