the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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