Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize