just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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