pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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