ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
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I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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