Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
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I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
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Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
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