I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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