I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize