we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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