Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize