I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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