I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
