At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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