i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize