If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
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Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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