i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
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He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
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Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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