Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize