Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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