this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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