I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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