Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize