Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize