yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize