I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
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