the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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