i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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