I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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