Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
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Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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