I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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