I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heโs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh and itโs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ๐๐๐๐ฌ๐ณ๐
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