took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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