please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize