you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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