Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize