i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
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She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
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You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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