Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
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somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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