You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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