Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
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Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
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Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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