omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
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Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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