Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize