I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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