Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize