when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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