WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
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You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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