a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
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We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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