Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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